My question is about a problem that my husband and I are suffering from, namely that we think about every little thing and we worry a great deal. This is affecting our worship; all the time we think about the worries and problems that we are going through. Is there any solution to this? Thank you very much
I thank you for your trust and ask Allaah to give us and you
strength and wisdom, and to show us what is true and help us to follow it,
and to show us what is false and help us to avoid it, and not to let it
confuse us and lead us astray… With regard to what you asked about, my
comments on it are as follows:
1 –Thinking about the matters of our daily lives, and our
private and public affairs is something that is essential and important, it
is necessary in order for us to deal with these matters and benefit from
them in the appropriate manner. The Qur’aan – which is the word of Allaah –
urges us to think, in more than one verse, for example:
“…and think deeply about the creation of the heavens and
the earth, (saying): Our Lord! You have not created (all) this without
purpose…”
[Aal ‘Imraan 3:191]
“And on the earth are signs for those who have Faith with
certainty.
And also in your ownselves. Will you not then see?”
[al-Dhaariyaat 51:20-21]
“Will you not then take thought?”
[al-An’aam 6:50]
“Have you then no understanding?”[al-Baqarah 2:76]
And there are other verses which encourage us to think about
our affairs and indeed about the life and creation around us.
So thinking in and of itself is not a problem, rather it is
required, important and essential, and it is enjoined by our religion and
encouraged by our Qur’aan.
2 – This “thinking” may become a psychological or social
problem if it prevents a person from playing his natural role that is
expected of him in life.
Such as thinking that things are more serious than they
really are, or thinking too much about matters where thinking about them
will not change anything at all, rather that only causes distress and
becomes an obstacle prevents one from taking any initiative, and make him
hesitant and confused, and unable to take any decision.
Thinking may become a problem in shar’i terms if it makes a
person go beyond his intellectual limits in thinking about matters of the
unseen and things that he can never comprehend, which may open many doors
for the accursed Shaytaan to influence him.
3 – With regard to thinking a great deal about everything and
worrying about every problem, this is to some extent a natural thing, so
long as it does not prevent you from living your lives in a natural manner.
What I mean here is, is this thinking helping you to come up with solutions
to these problems that you are facing? Do these situations deserve all the
time that you are spending on thinking about them? If the answer is yes,
then there is no problem! But if the answer is no, then you yourself are
admitting that they do not warrant that, and then you are halfway to solving
the problem, which is to identify the problem and take a decision concerning
it. Because when we know what the problem is, it is easy for us to find the
right way of dealing with it.
4 – Overcoming these problems needs some discipline and some
time. You can make the decision to start and you are able, with the help and
support of Allaah, to do that. You have to trust yourselves in this regard!
5 – I suggest to you that you divide your concerns and
problems into three categories or levels:
·
Concerns and problems that have
a direct impact upon your married and social lives in a serious manner that
may lead to breakdown in relationships. These must be given their due
measure of objective thought and you should try to reach an agreement and
settle the matter. They should not be ignored for so long that it becomes
too difficult to deal with them.
·
The second level is concerns or
problems in which the positive and negative aspects are equal and in which
you are involved. In these cases you should pray istikhaarah to Allaah, and
it is o.k. to consult others concerning them and to weigh up alternatives,
then decide what you think is the solution, bearing in mind issues of
sharee’ah and custom, without going to extremes in worrying about it.
·
The third level is concerns and
worries that do not concern you at all, because they have to do with other
people. It is better not to get involved in them and waste your time with
them, because they simply do not concern you and your opinion does not
matter.
6 – The concerns and matters of our daily lives inevitably
fall into one of three categories:
·
Matters which are in the past
and are over and done with. We should not worry about these too much, except
to the extent from which we can learn from our mistakes and experiences when
dealing with things in the future. The past cannot come back and there is no
need to worry about things that are over and done with.
·
Matters which lay ahead in the
future. It is more appropriate not to think about these a great deal before
they happen, because the future is part of the unseen, and all that we have
to do in this case is to examine the choices we have in this matter if it
comes to pass. When the time comes, we have to put our trust in Allaah and
take a decision.
·
Matters of day-to-day life.
This is where we attempt to weigh up all the available alternatives, and it
is o.k. to consult others with regard to these things and to exchange ideas
without going to extremes or worrying too much. In the end, things will turn
out as we hope, by Allaah’s leave, so long as we pursue the means of praying
istikhaarah and consulting others, and good lies in that which is chosen by
Allaah.
7 – Getting used to this requires some discipline. You could
agree with your husband to cooperate in this matter and remind one another
when you are worrying more than you need to about a matter. Gradually you
will find that you are becoming able to deal with day-to-day matters in an
objective manner.
8 – There is a good book on the topic of anxiety which gives
practical means of dealing with this matter, and I advise you to read it. It
is called How to Stop Worrying and Start Living by Dale Carnegie.
9 – First and last, have
a good intention and pray sincerely that Allaah will give you strength and
help you and set your thinking straight.
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