She became Muslim approximately two weeks before her husband; is their marriage invalid?

We are new reverts and have been told our marriage is no longer valid as far as within Islam. I reverted on 16Feb2001 and at the time my husband refused. I left him and went to stay with a good friend. On 2Mar2001, I received a phone call stating that he had taken his shahadah and so I went home to him. we have been told that according to the shariah, that when he did not convert, the marriage became 'null' and that we should not even stay in the same house until we remarry in Islam. Is there something about this somewhere, I am desperate for the answer as I do not want to live in a sinful relationship and displease Allah.

Praise be to Allaah.  

What you have been told is not correct, because if one spouse becomes Muslim before the other, then the other becomes Muslim before the woman’s ‘iddah is over, then their original marriage remains valid. The woman’s ‘iddah is three menstrual periods if she menstruates, or three months if she is past menopause, or until delivery if she is pregnant.  This is the view of al-Shaafa’i and Ahmad, and is the view of Maalik with regard to cases like that mentioned in the question, which is where the wife becomes Muslim before her husband. This is also indicated by many instances that are mentioned in the Sunnah. 

For example: the wife of Safwaan ibn Umayyah became Muslim on the day of the Conquest of Makkah, then he became Muslim approximately one month after her, and the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) did not order them to separate or tell them to make a new marriage contract. She remained with him on the basis of their original marriage. Ibn ‘Abd al-Barr (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: The fame of this hadeeth is stronger than its isnaad.  

But if the second partner became Muslim after the end of the ‘iddah, in this case there is a difference of scholarly opinion. The correct view is that if they agree to go back to one another on the basis of the original marriage contract and the woman has not married someone else, that is permissible and they do not need to do a new marriage contract. This is the view favoured by Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah and his student Ibn al-Qayyim. It is also the view regarded as most correct by Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on them all). They quoted as evidence the report narrated by Abu Dawood from Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with him), according to whom the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) returned his daughter Zaynab to her husband Abu’l-Aas on the basis of their original marriage contract. Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1134; Abu Dawood, 2230; Ibn Maajah, 2019; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Ibn Maajah.    

He became Muslim two years after the revelation of the verses of al-Mumtahanah, in which it says that Muslim woman are forbidden to mushrik men. It seems that her ‘iddah would have ended within this period, but the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) still returned her to him on the basis of the original marriage contract.

 The point is that they remained married on the basis of their original marriage contract and they did not need to do a new contract. And Allaah knows best. 

See Zaad al-Ma’aad, 5/133-140; al-Mughni, 10/8-10; al-Sharh al-Mumti’, 10/288-291.

She found out that the man with whom she did the marriage contract does not pray regularly and he mixes with women

Two years ago I went to XXX and my parents had my nikah done. We haven't consumated the marriage but it was done this way so that it would help him to come here sooner and also so that we could go places together, when a mehram isn't present. Over the years I found some very disturbing things that I didn't have any knowledge about before. To give you some examples before my nikah I was assured that my husband prayed and was a good muslim. I found out that this was not the case and he only prayed on Fridays. I don't want to make the mistake that I have seen others gone through where both husband and wife differ. My parents said they have left the desicion up to me and that they are not going to have any say. I don't know whether I should stay in this marriage or not? How do I know if I'm making a mistake?

Praise be to Allaah.  

If the marriage contract has been completed, with the proposal and acceptance and with the presence of the wali (guardian) and two witnesses, then the woman becomes the wife of the man, then she has obligations like any other wife. He has the duties of providing maintenance and accommodation, and has the right to physical intimacy etc. If the man does not pray the five daily prayers, then he is a kaafir and the marriage to him is invalid, even if he prays Jumu’ah. His visiting bad websites and keeping mixed company are sins which he must give up, but that does not mean that the marriage is invalid so long as this does not cause any harm to the wife and children by exposing them to these things. Warding off evil takes precedence over gaining benefits. Whatever the case, the main concern has to do with the matter of his prayers. You have to make sure that the husband is praying regularly, because the one who does not pray is a kaafir and it is not permissible for a Muslim woman to stay married to him.

He has become Muslim but his wife has not, and she is not from among the People of the Book. Is it permissible for him to live with her?

Is the major sin of zinaa committed, if a married man becomes Muslim, but his wife doesn't become Muslim, and is not a christian or jew, and they continue to have sexual realtions, or if a married woman becomes Muslim, and her husband does not become Muslim, and they continue to have sexual relations?  Jazak-Allah Khairan.

Praise be to Allaah. 

It is not permissible for a Muslim to remain in a marital relationship with a wife who is not Muslim, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And do not marry Al-Mushrikaat (idolatresses) till they believe (worship Allaah Alone) [al-Baqarah 2:221]

“Likewise hold not the disbelieving women as wives” [al-Mumtahanah 60:10]

“They are not lawful (wives) for the disbelievers nor are the disbelievers lawful (husbands) for them” [al-Mumtahanah 60:10]  

‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) divorced two of his wives who were mushriks when this aayah was revealed. Ibn Qudaamah stated in al-Mughni that there is ijmaa’ (scholarly consensus) on this point. He said, “There is no difference of opinion among the scholars that their women are forbidden (for marriage).” (al-Mughni 7/503)  

Allaah has made an exception in the case of women from among the People of the Book [Jews and Christians]. He says (interpretation of the meaning):

“(Lawful to you in marriage) are chaste women from the believers and chaste women from those who were given the Scripture (Jews and Christians) before your time” [al-Maaa’idah 5:5]  

The word “chaste” (muhsanaat) means that they do not engage in zinaa (unlawful sexual relationships).  

As the wife mentioned in the question is not from among the People of the Book, her Muslim husband has to fear Allaah and leave her, because his relationship with her is haraam according to sharee’ah, and persisting in it is zinaa and is haraam. If a woman becomes Muslim and her husband is a kaafir, whether he is from among the People of the Book or not, the marriage contract immediately becomes null and void, because of the evidence cited above. She becomes forbidden to him by virtue of her becoming Muslim, and she is no longer permissible for him, unless he becomes Muslim during her ‘iddah (waiting period following divorce). And Allaah knows best. 

See a similar question in Fataawa Islaamiyyah, compiled by Muhammad al-Musnad, 3/229.

A Muslim whose wife is continuing to practise Hindu rituals after becoming Muslim

I married before 1 years with a Hindu`s lady after converting her as a Muslim. But she did not accept Islam with her mind for this reason she is doing continue her religion. It is impossible to divorse her by me becouse our understanding is very good.. I am trying to the best for motivating her. What can I do according to shariah?

Praise be to Allaah.

We put this question to Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen, who answered as follows:

Praise be to Allaah, and peace and blessings be upon the Messenger of Allaah.

Perhaps she thinks that doing these rituals does not contradict Islam, so first of all call her to stop doing these things. If she agrees, then this is what you want. If she does not agree, tell her: “If you do not stop doing these rituals, then there is no marriage between us (i.e., threatening divorce).” Of course, if she wants to stay with her husband, this will make her come to Islam. If she refuses, in spite of this threat, then there is no marriage and he has to leave her. And Allaah knows best.

Married to a man who neglects the prayer: what should she do?

Asalama calaykum warahmatullah
I am marreid to a man who is TARIKU salaat I mean he neglects the salaat. when I marreid him i was like him, Alhamdulillah ALLAH has guided me, now I am a practising muslimah. but the problem is him, every salaat he is preying is like I am forcing him, I treid every thing but nothing is working, same people said you have to leave him but it isn't easy I have three childern with him, and he is good father and husband. The problem between us is the DEEN. Please what shoul I do.

Praise be to Allaah.

We put the following question to Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen:

I am married to a man who neglects his prayer. Allaah has guided me and I insisted that he should pray, so he started to pray as if he was forced to do so. He has clearly told me, “I am only praying because of you.” Is it permissible for me to stay with him or not?

The shaykh – may Allaah preserve him – answered as follows:

If the marriage contract was made at the time when he was not praying, then it is not valid, and if this is the case then she has to keep away from him. If he becomes Muslim, the contract is renewed, and if he does not become Muslim, then Allaah will send her a Muslim man who is better than him.

Question:

If she got married to him when she too was not praying, and he was not praying, does this make the marriage null and void?

Answer:

If they were following a certain religion, then the marriage remains valid, but if they were not following any religion and were murtadd (apostates), then many of the scholars say that the marriage of apostates is not valid, because they are not following any religion, neither Islam nor the religion from which they apostatized.

Question:

If the husband who is praying clearly tells his wife that he is praying only for her sake, is that sufficient to count him as a murtadd (apostate), or should she go by what she sees, which is that he is praying?

Answer:

It seems to me that he is praying to Allaah to please her. This does not means that his whole prayer, the standing, bowing, prostrating and du’aa’, is directed towards her. He is praying to Allaah to please her, and that does not make him a mushrik. And Allaah knows best.

Its the responsibility of every Moslem in learning quran and tajweed and we also have to teach our kids Quran and not only the Quran teaching we should let then start to see the basic of Islam and why it was reviled you bet it was railed and verity teaching of holy Quran and with tajweed quran we read Quran we can understand better all the responses that are asked if we study koran from a qualified Quran tutor he will let you know verity core of Islam and why koran was reviled for it we should gain the ability of the Holy Writ with there translation and the context of when those verses were reviled and why and that is only potential when we carry on with not simply learning quran for beginners but gaining the ability of Quran tafseer and one query that we all is needed to ask our self that why we all are here in the world to do good acts or to do bad humen activity to promote correct or to promote incorrect and will we be answerable to any one after this life of not then the interrogation remains the identical that the reasons why we are here in the world but if yes then whom we have to reply is there any Lord All these reply exist when we go deep in to the Quran education do Quran reading and the so let us unite hands to full fill our task. We all must do quran memorization and listen to quran online when ever we have time to stay in touch

Spending on one’s relatives

my father earns about 10 thousand riyals per month.we spend the least possible amount of money on our selves as my mom is trying to save money because one of my sisters has still to get married and me and my brother are still under education.my father's mother is a widow.she is living with one of her sons in her husband's house along with her three daughters(two unmarried and one widow).she is living a good standard of living (the same as we r enjoying over here).my father gives them some monthly allowance. my father's farm is under their (my uncle's) supervision and they get all the money from it.i want to know how much my father is supposed to give them monthly provided that they live very nicely and all his sisters and his mother have considerable amount of gold and separate land properties.

Praise be to Allaah.

Spending on one’s relatives may be divided into two categories:

The first category is that which is called ‘umooday al-nasab (lit. the two pillars of lineage)’ i.e. the direct line of ascent and descent, not matter how far they reach. [This means parents, grandparents, great-grandparents etc, in the line of ascent, and children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, etc., in the line of descent - Translator]. Spending on them is obligatory when the following two conditions apply:

That the one on whom money is spent is poor and does not have anything or does not have enough, and is not able to earn a living.

That the one who is spending money can afford it and has enough, more than what he and his spouse need for their own sustenance.

There is also a third condition: that both parties should share the same religion (i.e., they should both be Muslims, for example).

The second category is all other relatives apart from those in the direct line of ascent or descent. In cases where spending on them is obligatory, in addition to the two conditions mentioned above, there is a third condition: which is that the one who spends money should be a legal heir (according to sharee’ah) of the person on whom he is spending, i.e. he can inherit from him. On this basis, if your father and paternal uncles are able to spend, then it is their duty to spend on your grandmother and paternal aunts.

But do not forget the matter of kind treatment, for charity given to relatives is both charity and an upholding of kinship ties, and so it will bring two rewards. Do not forget what Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“… and whatsoever you spend of anything (in Allaah’s cause) He will replace it. And He is the Best of providers.” [Saba’ 34:39]

Spending on one’s relatives, especially one's mother, is one of the greatest means by virtue of which Allaah will send more provision and blessings, alongside the great reward which is with Allaah, may He be glorified and exalted.

So you should be happy that your father is spending on his mother and sisters, and you should encourage him to do that and compete with your uncles in doing this good deed.

As for the amount of money to be spent, this is determined by the ability of the person who is spending and the needs of the people on whom he is spending. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“They ask you (O Muhammad) what they should spend. Say: whatever you spend of good must be for parents and kindred and orphans and al-masaakeen (the poor) and wayfarers, and whatever you do of good deeds, truly, Allaah knows it well.” [al-Baqarah 2:215]

And Allaah knows best.

Her husband wants her to work outside the home

I was married 8 months ago to my husband. I respect him and love him dearly. I have never disobeyed him. Before we got married he gave me the option that I could go out to work if I wanted to. Now we are married he thinks that I should be earning money. I do not want to and we do not need the money as he is earning enogh for us. I do not believe that money is the answer to everything. Please help me. How should I deal with the situation? Must I obey him and go out to work? We live in the Western world and my job would involve contact with the public.

Praise be to Allaah. 

We put the following question to Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen:

If a woman’s husband tells her to get a job outside the home so that she can earn money, does she have to obey him?

He (may Allaah preserve him) answered as follows:

She does not have to, because he is obliged to spend on her, and she is not obliged to spend on herself.

How, then, if this work involves something haraam, namely mixing with men? She should not obey him with regard to this, because there is no obedience to any created being if it involves disobedience towards the Creator. Remind him that he is the man and is your protector and maintainer (qawwaam) because he spends on you from his means. It is not right for him to let greed for worldly things and the desire for more money make him ask his wife to do work which she is not obliged to do according to sharee’ah, or to expose her to fitnah (temptation) for the sake of the transient conveniences of this world. We ask Allaah to guide him. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad.

To whom should he give preference, his mother or his wife?

A man has a wife and a mother. Should he give preference to his wife over his mother in spending, other necessities and clothing, and is there any sin involved if he does that?

Praise be to Allaah. 

There is no sin involved in that, if his mother is one of those whom he is obliged to support and he meets her needs. But it is better for him to make his mother happy and to give her preference. If he has to give preference to his wife, he should hide that from his mother. And Allaah knows best.

He is in need and his brother is a music-writer

My brother works as a music-writer, putting music to songs, and he has no other source of income. I cannot work, and my father is dead. Is it permissible for me to eat from his wealth (be supported by him)?

Praise be to Allaah.

We put this question to Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen, may Allaah preserve him, and he answered as follows:

Yes, it is permissible for you to eat from his wealth, so long as you are in need, and it is his duty to spend on you.

Can a woman donate any of her money without her husband’s permission?

I want to help my family, my father, mother and siblings, by giving them some money. I work and I have a lot of money, alhamdulillah. I am able to help them, but my husband will not let me. What should I do?.

Praise be to Allaah.  

If your family (your father, mother and siblings) are poor and you are able to spend on them, then you are obliged to do so, and it is not permissible for you to obey your husband and not spend on them. 

See Question no. 44995. 

Secondly: 

If your spending on your family is done on a voluntary basis, i.e., they are not in need of this money, rather you want to treat them kindly and uphold the ties of kinship by giving this money, then the scholars differed concerning the ruling on a woman donating some of her wealth voluntarily without her husband’s permission. 

The majority of scholars are of the view that the wife cannot be stopped from donating some of her wealth; she has the right to dispose of it as she wishes without her husband’s permission. They quoted several texts as evidence, such as the following: 

1 – The proven report that Umm al-Mu’mineen Maymoonah bint al-Haarith (may Allaah be pleased with her) freed a slave woman and she did not ask the permission of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). When it was her day for the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) to stay with her, she said: “Did you notice, O Messenger of Allaah, that I freed my slave woman?” He said: “Did you?” She said: “Yes.” He said: “If you had given her to your maternal uncles you would have earned a greater reward.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2592; Muslim, 999. 

Al-Nawawi said: 

This shows that it is permissible for a woman to dispose of her wealth voluntarily without her husband’s permission. 

2 – al-Bukhaari (978) and Muslim (885) narrated that Jaabir ibn ‘Abd-Allaah said: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) stood up on the day of al-Fitr and led the people in prayer. He started with the prayer then he delivered the khutbah (sermon). When he had finished he came down and came to the woman and exhorted them, leaning on Bilaal’s arm, and Bilaal was spreading out his cloak for the woman to throw their sadaqah (charity) into it. According to another report: they started to give their jewellery in charity. 

Al-Haafiz said: 

This hadeeth shows that a woman may give her wealth in charity without her husband’s permission. 

Al-Nawawi said: 

This hadeeth shows that it is permissible for a woman to give some of her wealth in charity without her husband’s permission and that this is not limited to one-third of her wealth. This is our view and the view of the majority. Maalik said: It is not permissible for her to give more than one-third of her wealth except with her husband’s permission. Our evidence for that from the hadeeth is the fact that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) did not ask them whether they had their husbands for permission, or whether they were giving more than one-third. If the ruling had differed he would have asked them. 

Some of the scholars are of the view that a woman should not donate any of her wealth except with her husband’s permission. They quoted as evidence the words of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “It is not permissible for a women to give anything except with her husband’s permission.” Narrated by Imam Ahmad in his Musnad, 6643; Abu Dawood, 3547; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abu Dawood. 

The majority of scholars interpreted this hadeeth as referring to a foolish woman who does not handle money properly, or as meaning that it is mustahabb for a woman to ask her husband’s permission, not that it is obligatory, and that this is part of good manners. 

Al-Khattaabi said: 

According to the majority of fuqaha’, this is part of good manners and making the husband feel good, but that only applies in the case of a woman who is not wise or mature. It was proven that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to the women, “Give charity,” and they started to throw their earrings and rings and Bilaal caught them in his cloak, and these gifts were given without their husbands’ permission. 

Al-Shawkaani said in Nayl al-Awtaar (3/414): 

This hadeeth has been quoted as proof that it is not permissible for a woman to give away any of her wealth without her husband’s permission, even if she is wise and mature. But there was some difference of scholarly opinion concerning that. Al-Layth said: That is not permissible at all, either concerning one-third of her wealth or less than that, except with regard to insignificant things. Tawoos and Maalik said: It is permissible for a woman to give away up to one-third of her wealth without her husband’s permission, but no more than that; it is not permissible to give more than that without his permission. The majority are of the view that it is permissible for her to give any amount away without her husband’s permission, so long as she is not immature. If she is immature then it is not permissible. It says in al-Fath: the latter view, which is that of the majority of scholars, is well founded in the Qur’aan and Sunnah. 

Based on this, a woman should not be prevented from giving some of her wealth in charity, even if her husband does not approve. 

But it is better to ask his permission so that he will feel good, and so as to avoid any hard feelings on his part about his wife’s spending. And he should give her permission and not stop his wife from doing good deeds and treating people kindly. 

And Allaah knows best. 

See also question no. 21684.

Do parents have any rights to the wealth of a married daughter?

Does a daughters wealth belong to her parents like a son's wealth belongs to his parents and should she spend on them in the same way?
Many people believe that once a daughter is married, she should not spend on her parents if her brothers are able to do this instead. Do husbands have rights over their wife's wealth, not to spend themselves but rather over where the wife should spend it and if they think it should not be on her parents then she should obey this request.
If noth parents are needy, and the wife has no wealth of her own, should the husband spend on both as the wife's parents are allowed to recieve zakaah from their daughter but the husband's parents are not as it is his duty to spend on them?

Praise be to Allaah.  

Children (awlaad) is a general term which includes both males and females. The father has the right to dispose of his children’s wealth because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “You and your wealth belong to your father.” So if the father wants to take something from their wealth, he has the right to do that, so long as it will not cause them any harm; it is not permissible for him to take wealth from one of them and give it to another. 

If the parents are poor and the daughter has wealth surplus to her needs, then she has to spend on her parents in accordance with their needs, without failing to meet her own needs. The woman’s maintenance is obligatory upon her husband: he must spend on that which is essential for her maintenance. If the woman is working then her money is hers and hers alone, unless the husband stipulates the condition that he should get the money or some of it in return for her going out of the house and his missing out on some of his rights. But if she has enough money she can keep it for her own needs or for her children’s or parents’ needs. If she has brothers or sisters, and one of them takes care of spending on the parents, then the others are relieved of the obligation, and he will have the reward; or they can all agree that each of them will give a specific amount.  

The woman’s husband is not obliged to spend on her parents, unless it is the zakaah of his wealth. She, on the other hand, should not spend her zakaah money on them because that is an obligation upon her; rather she should give them money other than her zakaah. 

Is it permissible to pay off the debt of a son who is in need when one has other children?

I know that it is obligatory to treat one's children fairly, but one of my children is poor and has debts. Is it permissible for me to pay off some of his debts from my own money?

Praise be to Allaah.  

It is obligatory to treat one's children fairly. See Question no. 22169. 

It is obligatory to treat children equally in gift-giving and it is forbidden to single some out for gifts or to show preferences, unless there is a compelling reason for doing so. 

If there is a reason to show preference to one or to single one out, then it is acceptable to do so, such as if one of them is sick, blind or disabled, or he has a large family, or he is a student, and other reasons. So in that case it is acceptable to give him preference for those reasons. 

Imaam Ahmad referred to that when he said – concerning singling out some of one's children to be beneficiaries of a waqf – “There is nothing wrong with that if it is because of a need, but I regard it as makrooh if it is by way of showing favouritism.” 

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah said: “The hadeeth and the reports indicate that it is obligatory to treat children fairly… but there are two kinds: 

1 – Those who need him to spend on them in sickness and in health and so on, in which case fairness means giving each of them what he needs, and it makes no difference if he needs a little or a lot. 

2 – Needs which all the children will have in common, such as gifts, maintenance and arranging their marriages. Undoubtedly it is haraam to show preferences with regard to these matters.

From these two stems a third kind, which is helping out one child for an extraordinary need, such as paying off the debt of one child, or paying compensation on his behalf (if he has caused injury to another), or paying the mahr on his behalf, or giving him the money he needs for his wife’s maintenance, and so on. Concerning whether or not he is obligated to give a similar amount to the other children is subject to further discussion.” (From al-Ikhtiyaaraat)

Ruling on the trustee taking from the orphan’s wealth

I am the wakeel (trustee) for the heirs of my brother and I look after their inheritance and interests and I visit them weekly, in order to make his children and my children happy. My question is about their requirements (what I give them each month is 15,000 and their inheritance that I am keeping for them is 400,000). I have debts for 4 years because of building. Which is better – putting pressure on myself and my children for a little while or taking some money to cover gas costs etc (because of the visits) without their knowledge?.

Praise be to Allaah.

Islam regards taking an orphan’s wealth unlawfully as one of the seven sins that doom one to Hell – as it was narrated by al-Bukhaari (2615) and Muslim (89) from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), because it is a great trust which many are unable to fulfil. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to Abu Dharr, when advising him: “And do not take care of the property of an orphan.” Narrated by Muslim (1826).  

Islam commands the one who has orphans under his care to look after them properly and raise them well, and if they have wealth he is to guard it and invest it, and pay zakaah on it. If he is rich then it is better for him to refrain from touching their wealth at all, and if he is poor he may consume some on a reasonable basis; if he invests their money he may take payment equal to that of anyone else doing a similar job. These are the rulings of sharee’ah, and they are most wise and just. 

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“And give not unto the foolish your property which Allaah has made a means of support for you, but feed and clothe them therewith, and speak to them words of kindness and justice.

6. And try orphans (as regards their intelligence) until they reach the age of marriage; if then you find sound judgement in them, release their property to them, but consume it not wastefully and hastily fearing that they should grow up, and whoever (amongst guardians) is rich, he should take no wages, but if he is poor, let him have for himself what is just and reasonable (according to his labour). And when you release their property to them, take witness in their presence; and Allaah is All‑Sufficient in taking account”

[al-Nisa’ 4:5, 6] 

Ibn Katheer said:  

In the words, “consume it not wastefully and hastily fearing that they should grow up”, Allaah forbids consuming orphans’ wealth unnecessarily. “wastefully and hastily” means hastening before they reach puberty. Then Allaah says: “and whoever (amongst guardians) is rich, he should take no wages” meaning, he should not consume anything from it. Al-Sha’bi said: For him it is like dead meat and blood [i.e., forbidden]. “but if he is poor, let him have for himself what is just and reasonable (according to his labour)”. This was revealed concerning the guardian of an orphan who looks after him and takes care of him, if he needs to take from it. It was narrated that ‘Aa’ishah said: This verse was revealed concerning the guardian of an orphan: “and whoever (amongst guardians) is rich, he should take no wages, but if he is poor, let him have for himself what is just and reasonable (according to his labour)”.  

The fuqaha’ said: He may take whichever is the lesser amount – the equivalent wages for his work or as much as he needs. They differed as to whether he should repay it if he becomes well off. There are two views, one of which is that he should not, because he took it in return for his work when he was poor. This is the correct view according to the companions of al-Shaafa’i, because the verse allows taking without replacing it later on. 

The other view is that yes, he should repay it, because the orphan’s wealth is forbidden, and it was only permitted because of need, so he should repay it just as if he took wealth from someone else when he was in need. 

“and whoever (amongst guardians) is rich, he should take no wages” means, whoever among guardians. “but if he is poor” also refers to guardians. “let him have for himself what is just and reasonable” means, in the way that is better, just as it says in another verse, “And come not near to the orphan’s property, except to improve it, until he (or she) attains the age of full strength” [al-An’aam 6:152], i.e., do not come near it except with the intention of disposing of it in the best way, and if you need it then use it in a way that is just and reasonable. 

Tafseer Ibn Katheer (1/454, 455). 

It was narrated from ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Amr that a man came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said: “I am poor, I do not have anything, and I have an orphan (under my care).” He said: “Eat from the wealth of your orphan, without being extravagant or wasteful or using it for trade.” Narrated by Abu Dawood (2872), al-Nasaa’i (3668) and Ibn Maajah (2718). Classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’ (4497). 

If you want to take money in return for what you do for them, taking care of their interests, and this work of yours deserves payment, then there is no sin on you for that. But if you want to take payment for visiting them, you should not do that, because the costs of visiting orphans are not usually paid for from their own wealth. This is unlike what you spend on them for clothing, furnishings and food, which may be paid for from their wealth. 

As you are in a country where there are shar’i courts, you must refer to what sharee’ah says about that, so that the judge may rule as he sees fit in the orphan’s interests. And Allaah knows best. 

We hope that you will think long and hard about the words of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) as narrated by al-Bukhaari (1400) and Muslim (1053): “…whoever refrains from asking, Allaah will make him content, whoever seeks to be independent of means, Allaah will make him independent, and whoever is patient Allaah will bestow patience upon him, and no one is ever given anything better and more generous than patience.” Thus you will realize that the way to pay off your debt is by refraining from asking, seeking to be independent of means and being patient. 

Al-Mubaarakfoori said: 

“Whoever seeks to be independent of means” means he shows himself to be independent and having no need of people’s wealth, and refraining from asking so that one who is ignorant of his situation would think that he is independent of means and has no need to ask. 

“Allaah will make him independent” means by making him content. In the hadeeth it says: “Richness does not mean having a lot, rather richness is contentment.” Or it means that He will give him that which will make him have no need of people. 

“whoever refrains from asking” means seeking to refrain from that which is haraam and from asking of people. i.e., whoever wants to be content refrain from asking of people, Allaah will grant that to him. 

“Allaah will make him content” means, He will prevent him from falling into that which is forbidden, i.e., whoever is content with the least of provision and refrains from asking, contentment will be made easy for him, and this is a treasure. 

“whoever is patient” means, seeks the support of patience from Allaah, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And endure you patiently (O Muhammad), your patience is not but from Allaah” [al-Nahl 16:127]. Or: tells himself to be patient and is ready to carry the burden of patience. 

“Allaah will bestow patience upon him” means: He will make patience easy for him. 

Tuhfat al-Ahwadhi (6/143, 144). 

And Allaah knows best.

He gives his family money to buy luxuries and borrows from his wife

What is the opinion of sharee’ah on a husband who gives his money to his family to buy things that are not basic necessities and he has debts and borrows from his wife to pay off his debts?.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly: 

People often mention in their questions the phrase “the opinion of sharee’ah” or “ the opinion of the deen (religion)”. These phrases are not correct in their meanings, and it is better for a Muslim to avoid them. 

Shaykh Bakr Abu Zayd (may Allaah preserve him) said: 

Among the incorrect phrases is “the opinion of the deen (religion)”. The word ra’y (opinion) is based on pondering and thinking. Other such phrases include “the opinion of Islam” and “the opinion of sharee’ah”. These are widespread phrases in the late 14th Hijri century, but they are unacceptable according to sharee’ah, because opinions vary and may be wrong or right, so it is clear that this word cannot apply to that which Allaah has decreed in His Book and the Sunnah of His Messenger (blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him), because that is the religion of Islam – “Truly, the religion with Allaah is Islam” [Aal ‘Imraan 3:19]. And Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “It is not for a believer, man or woman, when Allaah and His Messenger have decreed a matter that they should have any option in their decision” [al-Ahzaab 33:36].

So with regard to that which Allaah has legislated for His slaves, it should be said: the ruling of Allaah, or His command, prohibition, decree and so on. With regard to something that is like that, the word “opinion” cannot be used, because opinion is based on speculation and may be right or wrong. 

But if the ruling stems from ijtihaad, it cannot be called the “opinion of the deen”, rather it is to be called the opinion of the mujtahid or scholar, because when there are differences of opinion concerning an issue of Islam, then the truth lies in one of these opinions. See an important discussion in the book Tanweer al-Afhaam li ba’d Mafaaheem al-Islam by Shaykh Muhammad ibn Ibraaheem Shaqrah, p. 61-73. End quote. 

Mu’jam al-Manaahi al-Lafziyyah, p. 223, 224, 1st edition. 

Secondly: 

Children should spend on their parents, and this obligation is proven in the Qur’aan and Sunnah and by scholarly consensus. See the answer to question number 111892. 

This obligatory spending on the parents is subject to conditions, one of which is that the son should be able to afford spending on them and the parent should be in need because of incapability, poverty or not being able to earn a living. 

This husband should realise that his reward with Allaah will be great if he is spending on his needy parents to provide necessary maintenance, even if that means he has to borrow money. But if his parents are not in need of obligatory maintenance, and he is spending on them to buy them luxury items, then he should look after himself and he should not incur debts that are not necessary or due to urgent need, because the matter of debt is serious before Allaah. It was narrated in a saheeh report that the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him) said: “The martyr will be forgiven everything except debt.” So how about the one who meets Allaah when he has not been killed for His sake? 

Yes, if he has surplus money and he wants to make life comfortable for his parents by spending on permissible but non-essential things, then he will be treating them kindly and not mistreating himself. But if he does that with the wealth of others -- his wife or anyone else -- then he is mistreating himself because he is taking on something that he cannot bear. 

Based on that, he should apologise to them in the kindest words and explain that he is not able to give them what they want, and he should promise them that if he gets money that is surplus to the needs of his children and his wife, then he will give to them. 

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And if you (O Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم) turn away from them (kindred, poor, wayfarer, whom We have ordered you to give their rights, but if you have no money at the time they ask you for it) and you are awaiting a mercy from your Lord for which you hope, then, speak unto them a soft, kind word (i.e. Allaah will give me and I shall give you)”

[al-Isra’ 17:28]. 

Ibn Katheer (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 

i.e., if your relatives and those to whom We have enjoined you to give ask you for something, and you do not have anything and you turn away from them because you cannot afford to spend, “then, speak unto them a soft, kind word” meaning, make them a promise, in kind and gentle words, that when the provision of Allaah comes, we will give you some, if Allaah wills. End quote.

 Tafseer Ibn Katheer, 3/52.

Does she have to obey her husband if he tells her to work outside the home?

To begin, I state that I embraced Islam about 15 years ago, part of what is so impressive to me is the true revolution to women and their rghts which Islam has made, alhumdo lillah. But regretfully, so many Muslims do not acknowledge nor apply these standards and I have seen many women taken advantage of due to it. So my question is rgarding "Womens Rights"...
men are obligated to certain maintanance of women, but women are not prohibited from certain things with her husbands permission. So how can a woman protect herself from being taken advantage of by her husband?
For instance, he wants her to work within his business, still take care of the children an even have more children, bringing the infant to work following the delivery as early as the first week out of the hospital. She is repsonsible for the grocery shopping, taking the older child to day care, working at his business, preparing meals, and keeping the house neat. He will assist periodically but not without stating that he has done so as if she should have done it herself.
Can she insist on staying home and being supported? Or must she obey her husband - since he is not asking her to do something haram? But she is tired of being tired and unable to convince him her place is in the home, or even be considerate of her needs and he is always unsatisfied by how she isn't performing to his level of satisfaction.
Sorry this is so lengthy, but it is a common problem among many sisters I have seen, taking the rights Allah gave us and not being taken advantage of.

Praise be to Allaah.  

Allaah has made men the protectors and maintainers of women for two reasons, what Allaah has given to men and what men earn. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allaah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means”

[al-Nisa’ 4:34] 

The fact that Allaah has given men more than women in terms of reasoning, thinking and physical strength is something concerning which there is no dispute. This is what Allaah has given to men. With regard to what men earn, this refers to the husband’s spending on his wife, which is something that is obligatory and is the basis for the man being the protector and maintainer of the wife. 

It was narrated that Jaabir (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Fear Allaah with regard to women for Allaah has entrusted them to you and intimacy with them has become permissible for you by the word of Allaah. Their rights over you are that you should provide for them and clothe them on a reasonable basis.” 

Narrated by Muslim, 1218. 

Al-Nawawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: This indicates that it is obligatory for the husband to spend on his wife and clothe her. This is established by scholarly consensus. Sharh Muslim, 8/184. 

One of the reasons why it is obligatory for the husband to spend on the wife is that the wife is prevented from earning an income because of her duties towards her husband, children and house. 

Al-Bukhaari (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: “The obligation of spending on one's wife and children.” 

Then he narrated the hadeeth of Abu Hurayrah, according to which the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The best of charity is that which leaves one independent of means, and the upper hand is better than the lower hand, and start with those who are dependent upon you.” 

Al-Bukhaari, 1426; Muslim, 1034. 

Al-Haafiz ibn Hajar said: 

The reason why it is obligatory to spend on the wife is that she is prevented from earning because of her duties to fulfil the husband’s rights. There is scholarly consensus that this is obligatory.  

Al-Fath, 9/625. 

The husband has to fear Allaah his Lord, and take care of the wife and children that Allaah has entrusted to him. It is not permissible for him to force his wife to do that which she is unable to do. She does not have to work and spend on the house and on him; rather it is obligatory for him to spend on her even if she is rich. 

The role that the woman plays in the home is very important, because she looks after the house and takes care of it, and she fulfils her husband’s rights by preparing the house for him, keeping it clean and tidy, making food, looking after the children, and many other things. 

The woman does not have to work outside the house, especially if going out will expose her to mixing with non-mahram men and failing or falling short in her duties towards her house and children. 

As mentioned above, it is obligatory for the husband to spend on her, according to scholarly consensus. He has to realize this and make his wife feel safe and protected in her house so that she can do that which Allaah has enjoined upon her. 

See also the answer to question no. 5591.

And Allaah knows best.

Ruling on getting married through matrimonial websites on the internet

I am a student in a French university, of Algerian origin. I do not have any family in this country and I want to get married. Is it permissible for me to use the internet and the matrimonial websites to get married? Please note that there are Salafi sisters on these websites .

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly: 

If the matrimonial websites on the internet are controlled by Islamic guidelines, then there is nothing wrong with going to them and making use of them. These guidelines include the following: 

1 – They should not show pictures of the women, because looking at the woman to whom one is proposing is only allowed for the suitor once he has resolved to marry her, and it is not permissible for anyone else to look at her, and it is not permissible to enable anyone to do that.

2 – The website should not give detailed descriptions of the woman so that it is as if one can see her, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No woman should describe another woman to her husband so that it is as if he is looking at her.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5240).

3 – It should not allow any correspondence between the two sexes, because of the evils that result from that, including the participation of mischief-makers both male and female whose intention is to do evil or have fun. Rather the administrators of the site should first check on the identity of the suitor, then put him in touch with the guardian (wali) of the woman. 

Secondly:   

You should seek the help of your family and friends, and those who are in charge of Islamic centres, in looking for a righteous wife, in your homeland or in the place where you are staying. This is easy, praise be to Allaah, and it is safer and better than doing that via the internet. 

Thirdly: 

In order for the marriage to be valid, it is essential to have the consent of the woman’s guardian (wali), because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no marriage except with a wali.” Narrated by Abu Dawood (2085), al-Tirmidhi (1101) and Ibn Maajah (1881) from the hadeeth of Abu Moosa al-Ash’ari; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi. 

And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no marriage except with a wali and two witnesses of good character.” Narrated by al-Bayhaqi from ‘Imraan and ‘Aa’ishah; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, no. 7557. 

And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Any woman who gets married without the permission of her guardian, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid. If he has consummated the marriage with her then she is entitled to the mahr because of the intimacy that he has had with her, and if there is a dispute, then the ruler is the guardian of the one who has no guardian.” Narrated by Ahmad (24417), Abu Dawood (2083) and al-Tirmidhi (1102); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’ no. 2709. 

We have drawn attention to this because it may be thought that if a young man gets to know a young woman over the internet and she accepts him, this is regarded as a marriage. 

We ask Allaah to help you and guide you. 

And Allaah knows best.

If a man says to his fiancée, “Give yourself to me in marriage,” this is not regarded as a marriage

I am a young man and I proposed marriage to a girl. The engagement period lasted approximately one year, then something like what happens between a husband and a wife happened between us. There was no actual zina but I know that this is one of the degrees of zina. I said to her: “Will you give yourself to me in marriage according to the Sunnah of Allaah and His Messenger?” And she said “Yes.” Allaah and all of the Muslims are witnesses that she is my wife and she agrees with me, but there were no witnesses, until the marriage is done officially, so that whatever happens between us will not be haraam. Is this marriage permissible or not?.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly: 

The fiancé is a stranger (non-mahram) to his fiancée and it is not permissible for him to touch her, shake hands with her or be alone with her. The evidence that these things are haraam is well known and is not hidden. See question no. 84089. 

What happened between you is haraam and you must repent to Allaah, may He be exalted, for that, by giving it up, regretting it and resolving not to do it again in the future. You must also keep away from the things that lead to haraam such as being in touch or corresponding, until the marriage contract is done. 

Many people are careless about such matters during the engagement period; this is an evil matter which leads to things that are even worse. 

Think about how the shaytaan toys with man until he commits zina with the one he wants to marry. Verily to Allaah we belong and unto Him is our return. 

Think about a marriage that starts with something haraam, and is based on haraam. How will it be and how will it end? 

Secondly: 

The fact that you said to your fiancée “Will you marry me according to the Sunnah of Allaah and His Messenger” and she said yes is not regarded as a marriage and it is worthless according to sharee’ah. It does not make permissible what happened before it and what will come after it. Rather this is one of the tricks of the shaytaan whereby he deceives some of those who turn away from learning what their religion requires of them. If this were a real marriage, why would every adulterer and adulteress fail to do it?  

A marriage contract is not valid unless it is done in the presence of the woman’s wali (guardian) and with his consent, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no marriage without a wali.” Narrated by Abu Dawood (2085), al-Tirmidhi (1101) and Ibn Maajah (1881) from the hadeeth of Abu Moosa al-Ash’ari; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi. 

And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Any woman who gets married without the permission of her wali, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid.” Narrated by Ahmad (24417), Abu Dawood (2083) and al-Tirmidhi (1102); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, no. 2709. 

Allaah describes marriage as meethaaq ghaleez (firm and strong covenant – al-Nisa’ 4:21). It is not a game that a man plays with his friends, bringing whomever he wants to witness his marriage to a woman who is careless about her honour and who has sold herself, then when he has had his way with her he leaves her with no authority over him and no way to demand maintenance from him, then if she produces a child he is the first one to disavow himself of him. And he does not know, perhaps she married another husband in the same cheap manner? 

This shows you how abhorrent are these tricks that are used in order to commit zina and which are called marriage. Unfortunately this has become widespread among some Muslims. We ask Allaah to keep us safe and sound.  

Finally, we should like you to ask yourself this question: If this girl was your sister or your daughter, would you agree to her fiancé doing that with her? 

If you would not like it for your sister or your daughter, then other people do not like it for their sisters and daughters either. 

Fear Allaah, give up this haraam action, and protect the honour of the one whom you want to be your wife in the future.  

You must hasten to get married, so that you will be safe from committing something haraam. 

May Allaah help us all to do that which He loves and which pleases Him. 

And Allaah knows best.

Is it permissible to refuse a suitor because he does not own an apartment?

Is it permissible to refuse someone who comes to propose marriage because he does not own an apartment? Is it permissible to refuse to read al-Faatihah for the same reason, that he does not have an apartment? Please note that the girl agrees to this young man and his family are moderately well off. Is the girl’s speaking to the young man behind her family’s backs halaal or haraam?.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly: 

If the one who is proposing marriage is acceptable in terms of religious commitment and good character, and he is able to provide accommodation, even if that will be after some time, then he should not be refused, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If there comes to you one with whose character and religious commitment you are pleased, then marry (your female relative under your guardianship) to him, for if you do not do so, there will be tribulation and great mischief on earth.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (1084) from Abu Hurayrah; classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi. 

But if he is not able to provide accommodation, or he needs a lot of time until he can afford it, then there is nothing wrong with refusing him, because of the harm that will be caused to the girl by tying her to him and waiting a long time to get married. When Mu’aawiyah ibn Abi Sufyaan proposed to Faatimah bint Qays (may Allaah be pleased with them both), Mu’aawiyah was poor, and the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) advised her to refuse his offer, because he was poor and had no wealth. Narrated by Muslim (1480). 

This suitor who is unable to afford the expenses of marriage is addressed by the words of Allaah (interpretation of the meaning): “And let those who find not the financial means for marriage keep themselves chaste, until Allaah enriches them of His Bounty” [al-Noor 24:33] and  by the words of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “O young men, whoever among you can afford to get married, then let him do so, for it is more effective in lowering the gaze and guarding chastity. And whoever is not able to do that, then let him fast, for that will be a shield for him.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5065)and Muslim (1400). 

Secondly: 

It is not prescribed to recite al-Faatihah at the time of engagement, because that is not narrated from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). 

Thirdly: 

The mahr and accommodation are the rights of the wife, and she may be content with a little of that. Her guardian should help her to be chaste. If she accepts someone whose religious commitment and character are pleasing, and he has enough to provide accommodation and the mahr, then it is not permissible to prevent the girl from marrying. But if he does not have anything, then the guardian may refuse the proposal, because the girl’s agreement in this case is based on emotion and lack of experience, and perhaps she is deceived by the suitor. 

Fourthly: 

It is not permissible for a girl to form a relationship with a non-mahram man, whether he has proposed marriage to her or not, because of the bad consequences to which that may lead, as is obvious, especially if her family have refused his proposal; in that case there is no justifiable reason for him to speak to her. 

See also questions no. 45668 and 36807 on the ruling on speaking and correspondence between a suitor and his fiancée. 

May Allaah help us all to do that which He loves and which pleases Him

Proposal procedure according to sharee’ah

What is the Sunnah with regard to proposing marriage? i.e., if a young man wants to get married, should he send someone to the woman’s family to ask for her hand in marriage from her family? If his proposal is accepted and the woman and her family agree, what is the next step before the khutbah, such as the mahr (dowry) and other things that are required of the man? Is it Sunnah to recite al-Faatihah when the dowry is stipulated? Is it Sunnah to give the woman a ring on the day of the engagement and on the day of the wedding or is there any special kind of clothing?.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly: 

If a man wants to get married, and he has decided to propose to a particular woman, then he may go to her guardian on his own, or with one of his relatives such as his father or brother, or he may delegate someone else to propose marriage on his behalf. The matter is broad in scope, and prevalent customs should be followed. In some countries it is regarded as improper for the suitor to go on his own, so attention should be paid to that. 

What is prescribed in sharee’ah is for the suitor to see the woman to whom he wants to propose marriage, because of the report narrated by al-Tirmidhi (1087), al-Nasaa’i (3235) and Ibn Maajah (1865) from al-Mugheerah ibn Shu’bah (may Allaah be pleased with him), who proposed to a woman and the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Go and look at her, for that is more likely to create love between you,” i.e.,  ,ore likely to establish lasting love between you. This hadeeth was classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi. 

Secondly: 

If the girl and her family agree, then a mahr has to be agreed upon, and the wedding expenses and the wedding date, and so on. This also varies according to local customs, and what the man can afford and what preparations he has made for getting married. Some people do the proposal and the marriage contract in one sitting, and some delay the marriage contract after the engagement, and some they delay the consummation after the marriage contract. All of that is permissible. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) did the marriage contract with ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) when she was six years old then he consummated the marriage with her when she was nine. Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5158). 

Thirdly: 

It is not sunnah to recite al-Faatihah at the time of engagement or at the time of the marriage contract. Rather the Sunnah is to recite Khutbat al-Haajah. It was narrated that ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Mas’ood (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) taught us Khutbat al-Haajah, (to be said) at weddings and on other occasions: “Inna al-hamda  Lillaahi nasta’eenahu wa nastaghfiruhu, wa na’oodhu bihi min shuroori anfusinaa wa sayi’aati a’maalinaa. Man yahdih Illaahu falaa mudilla lahu wa man yudlil falaa haadiya lahu. Wa ashhadu an laa ilaaha ill-Allaah wa ashhadu anna Muhammadan ‘abduhu wa rasooluhu (Verily, all praise is to Allaah, we seek His help and His forgiveness. We seek refuge with Him from the evil of our own souls and from our bad deeds. Whomsoever Allaah guides will never be led astray, and whomsoever Allaah leaves astray, no one can guide. I bear witness that there is no god but Allaah, and I bear witness that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger).

 ‘Yaa ayyuha’n-naas uttaqu rabbakum alladhi khalaqakum min nafsin waahidatin wa khalaqa minhaa zawjahaa wa baththa minhumaa rijaalan katheeran wa nisaa’an wa’ttaqu-Llaah alladhi tasaa’aloona bihi wa’l-arhaama inna Allaaha kaana ‘alaykum raqeeban (O mankind! Be dutiful to your Lord, Who created you from a single person, and from him He created his wife, and from them both He created many men and women, and fear Allaah through Whom you demand your mutual (rights), and (do not cut the relations of) the wombs (kinship) Surely, Allaah is Ever an All-Watcher over you).’ [al-Nisaa’ 4:1]

‘Yaa ayyuha’lladheena aamanu-ttaqu’Llaaha haqqa tuqaatihi wa laa tamootunna illaa wa antum muslimoon (O you who believe! Fear Allaah as He should be feared, and die not except in a state of Islam (as Muslims) with complete submission to Allaah.)’ [Aal ‘Imraan 3:102] 

‘Yaa ayyahu’lladheena aamanu-ttaqu’Llaaha wa qooloo qawlan sadeedan  yuslih lakum a’maalakum wa yaghfir lakum dhunoobakum wa man yuti’ Allaaha wa rasoolahu fa qad faaza fawzan ‘azeeman (O you who believe! Keep your duty to Allaah and fear Him, and speak (always) the truth). He will direct you to do righteous good deeds and will forgive you your sins. And whosoever obeys Allaah and His Messenger, he has indeed achieved a great achievement (i.e. he will be saved from the Hell‑fire and will be admitted to Paradise)’ [al-Ahzaab 33:70, 71].” 

Narrated by Abu Dawood (2118) and classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood. 

The Standing Committee for Issuing Fatwas was asked (19/146): Is reciting al-Faatihah when a man gets engaged to a woman an innovation (bid’ah)? 

They replied: Reciting al-Faatihah when a man gets engaged to a woman or when the marriage contract is done is an innovation (bid’ah). End quote. 

Fourthly: 

There is no special clothing to be worn for the engagement, wedding or consummation, for either the man or the woman. Attention should be paid to what the people are accustomed to with regard to that, so long as it is not contrary to sharee’ah. Based on that, there is nothing wrong with the man wearing a suit and so on. 

But if the woman is in a place where men can see her, she should wear concealing clothes, just as she should before and after the wedding. But if she is among women, she can adorn herself and wear whatever kind of clothes she wants, but she should avoid extravagance and waste and that which calls to fitnah. 

As for wearing a ring, it is not prescribed for men or for women, because that involves imitating the kuffaar. See question no. 21441. 

May Allaah help us and you to do that which He loves and which pleases Him. 

And Allaah knows best.

Its the responsibility of every Moslem in learning quran and read tajweed and we also have to teach our kids Quran and not only the Quran teaching we should let then begin to see the basic of Islam and why it was reviled you bet it was vilified and truth teaching of holy Quran and with tajweed quran we read Quran we can understand better all the responses that are demanded if we study koran from a qualified Quran tutor he will let you know truth center of Islam and why koran was reviled for it we should gain the ability of the Book with there translation and the context of when those verses were reviled and why and that is only potential when we persist in with not simply learning quran for beginners but gaining the information of Quran tafseer and one query that we all is required to ask our self that why we all are here in the world to do good acts or to do bad acts to promote correct or to promote incorrect and will we be answerable to any one after this life of not then the interrogation remains the identical that reasons why we are here in the world but if yes then whom we have to reply is there any Almighty All these reply exist when we go deep in to the Quran education do Quran reading and the so let us unite hands to full fill our task. We all must do quran memorization and listen to quran online when ever we have time to stay in touch

She got to know him on the internet and he proposed marriage to her but they are not getting along

I have been working for two years far away from my family (during which I suffered from being away from my family and working too hard, and my outlook on life was affected greatly). Now I am working in a village that is about 150 km from my town, i.e., it takes an hour and a half to get there and an hour and a half to get back. My life revolves around my family, study and work. I have no friends and I only visit my relatives and acquaintances rarely. I hardly ever go out of the house except for necessities, or to take a trip with my family, or to go to work or to attend some courses. Sometimes I go to a health club with my mother (for health reasons and to keep fit). I grew up in a family that is decent and fairly religiously committed; we pray regularly and do what Allaah has enjoined upon us. Because of my work, and being away from my family, and my position among my siblings (I am the eldest), I got used to being independent and self-reliant, and to having others respect my opinion. My parents are the closest friends I have, and I do not hide any of my secrets from them. I got to know the internet in 1422 AH, and I looked at many websites, with the aim of improving my English and developing a way of teaching it. I looked for different sites that had to do with women, the family and married life. Six months ago whilst I was on a website for practising English, I got a private message from someone who want to talk to me about some issues that had to do with teaching English and the difficulties faced with female students, especially since he was a graduate from the English language college. He was looking for work and he is two years younger than me. After two or three exchanges on this website and via brief e-mails, he asked me some personal questions such as how old I am, where I live and the customs of my family. Finally he told me that he wanted to propose marriage to me, so I gave him my father’s phone number, simply to find out if he was being honest. In fact he called my father and about two weeks later he and his family visited us. At first our families were hesitant, especially since they were concerned about the way we had got to know each other, and because of our customs and traditions and the differences in customs and traditions (as I am from an ordinary family and he is from high-status family). After a few visits from his family and discussions with my family, he and I were able to make them accept this matter. Praise be to Allaah, my fiancé has been appointed in a village that is close to his city, and soon he will get approval from the bank for a muraabahah loan so that he can complete the plans for our wedding. After we had been engaged for a while, we began to speak on the phone (I know that we did wrong on this point, especially since the marriage contract had not yet been done) and through these conversations we got to know one another better, and I noticed a few things about him: some positive things (he prays regularly) which encouraged me to go ahead and marry him, especially since I had refused some people before him for one reason, which was that they did not pray or were careless about it; he is religiously committed and does not listen to music; he does not smoke cigarettes or the narghile, which also encouraged me because I had refused people before him for one reason, which was that they smoked; he is good natured and uncomplicated; we have a great deal in common and hold similar views on various issues; we are both teachers; we both work; we have similar hopes for the future with regard to the family, children and continuing to study. 
On the negative side, I feel that his religious commitment does not stem so much from conviction but from his upbringing and his family’s traditions. He wants to impose some things on me, not because they are part of Islam so much as for social appearances, so that he will appear to be a religious person who is strict; the way he and his family look at me and my family – they think that we are not religiously committed and are not modest enough, and that our womenfolk are dominant and controlling and direct the men according to their whims, although I think that most men in the world do what their wives want even if they show the opposite. They regard us as being of an inferior lineage to them, and one of the hardest things in a marriage is if one party looks down on the other or does not think that the other is able to fulfil the duties of married life. He wants me to devote myself and my life fully to him and his children, and to stop working and forget myself completely and give up all my dreams of completing my studies, improving my work performance or doing any other activities, or even going to the health club. If I exercise that will be a favour from him because the time that I spend on these things belongs rightfully to him and his children! 
I am not against marriage or taking care of the children or serving the husband, but I believe that it is the wife’s right to have her own interests and privacy.  
He thinks that housework is one of my duties, and if I employ a servant it must be at my own expense, because she will be doing my job. He objected strongly to my father’s condition of providing a servant in the marriage contract, and he thinks that this will make him look bad in front of his family, and that my conditions are impossible to fulfil. Don’t the daughters of the tribes and high-status families have difficult conditions or demands too? Please note that my family only stipulated that because they feared I might face problems that happen to working wives with their husbands because of having servants, and because the men in our society forget that housework is the husband’s responsibility according to Islam, and he is free either to do it himself or bring servants; if his wife does it, it is a favour on her part. Please note that I do not like to have a servant in the house, and with a little cooperation between the spouses and children, and using machines, and using external sources of help such as sending the clothes to the laundry and putting the children in daycare when one is at work, one can do away with the need for a servant and avoid the evils and problems that servants may bring. Men nowadays are no better than the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) who served his family and did housework. 
He wants me to stop listening to music and not watch movies and soap operas, and not to wear pants, and to wear the abayah that comes down from the head, even though I have told him about my opinion on these matters. As for music, I am not bothered about it and I will give it up at the first opportunity. As for watching films and soap operas, I do not think it is haraam, and with regard to studying English it is a means of practising listening to the English language. As for soap operas, I only watch those that serve a purpose and are useful. With regard to wearing pants, I told him that I am a smart person and I know how to dress according to the time and occasion and the people I am going to meet. When I am at school and there are official visits, or I visit people I do not know, I do not wear pants, but I like to wear them on days off or trips out, because they are more covering for me as I move a lot. With regard to the abayah that comes from the head, I do not wear it because there is basically no specific way for Muslim women to wear hijab, and based on my experience I have found that it does not suit me. The abayah that comes from the shoulders and is closed in front, with a lose headscarf and a cover for the face is better for me and more covering, especially if I am carrying things or carrying children, or I am walking a long way. He thinks that all the places I go on trips to with my family (markets, trips to the seaside, leisure centres, even the corniche) are places of mixing and he cannot take me there. I have tried to understand his protective jealousy, but to be honest I am afraid that he is going to keep me locked up in the house, and I will only go out to visit family and relatives which I do not like very much, especially because of the gossip, destructive envy and grudges that happen among women. He says that I do not know how to communicate with him, and my approach is dry and I often offend him. I hope that you can teach me, because I have doubts about my abilities and I feel deep regret when I see that he is hurt by me.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly: 

When we answer questions, we usually draw attention to mistakes from a shar’i point of view that appear in the questions, some of which may have to do with the question itself and others that do not. But it is very important for us to highlight to the questioner what he has got right, so that we will be fulfilling our duty to offer sincere advice (naseehah) as Allaah has enjoined upon us. 

Secondly: 

We may sum up the things that are contrary to sharee’ah in the question, whether they have to do with the wife or the husband, as follows: 

1.     Travelling without a mahram. 

We understand this from what the sister says in her question: “Now I am working in a village that is about 150 km from my town, i.e., it takes an hour and a half to get there and an hour and a half to get back.”  

If this is the case, and there is no mahram travelling with her, then she should note that “It is not permissible for a woman who believes in Allaah and the Last Day to travel without a mahram.” It is not sufficient to have a group of women – as some scholars think – for a woman to travel without a mahram; each woman in the group must have a mahram with her. 

For more information on this subject, please see the answers to questions no. 3098, 69337, 45917 and 4523. 

2.     Corresponding with a stranger (non-mahram) via the internet 

This is what has happened between you and a man who is a non-mahram. Although this non-mahram has proposed marriage to you, there are thousands who have not done so with the women whom they have caught in their traps. The marriages that are built on such foundations may be susceptible to doubt, suspicion and accusations, and the marriage may be doomed to failure. 

We have discussed the prohibition on correspondence between the sexes in the answer to questions no. 26890 and 10221. 

3.     It may be understood from the word muraabahah that there is a riba-based loan involved. 

This is when you say of your fiancé, “soon he will get approval from the bank for a muraabahah loan so that he can complete the plans for our wedding.” 

The fact that most people call this transaction a loan is calling it by its proper name; the banks try to trick people by calling it muraabahah, when it fact it is a riba-based loan that involves interest. 

For more details on this issue please see the answer to question no. 36408. 

4.     Talking to one another during the engagement period. 

You said in your question, “After we had been engaged for a while, we began to speak on the phone (I know that we did wrong on this point, especially since the marriage contract had not yet been done).” 

It is essential to avoid being alone with one’s fiancée, or going out with her, or mixing too much with her and talking to her, especially on the phone, and when there is no mahram or other person present. 

See the answers to questions no. 7757, 2572 and 20069 for the limits on the relationship between a man and his fiancée.

5.     Conditions in marriage 

You say “Don’t the daughters of the tribes and high-status families have difficult conditions or demands too?”  

The answer is: No, not necessarily, because stipulating difficult things for the husband is something that complicates married life, because it may go beyond what the husband can afford, and that will have a negative effect on his psychology and his life, and on how he interacts with his wife and her family. 

Moreover, stipulating difficult things and making demands on the husband is not indicative of sound reason or high status. Faatimah (may Allaah be pleased with her) was one of the noblest women in the world, and the daughter of the leader of the Messengers, and she did not impose any difficult conditions on her husband, or make many demands of him. The same may be said of all the daughters of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and the daughters of his companions who were of noble descent, religiously committed and wise. 

It was narrated that ‘Ali (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) gave Faatimah a trousseau of a piece of velvet cloth, a waterskin, and a leather pillow stuffed with idhkhir fibres. 

Narrated by Ahmad (644) and al-Nasaa'i (3384); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani. 

There are reports in the Sunnah which point to the opposite of what you think, which is encouragement to make things easy when getting engaged and keep down the cost of marriage: 

It was narrated from ‘Aa’ishah that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “One of the good signs in a woman is if her engagement is made easy and her dowry is made easy.” 

Narrated by Ahmad (23957) and classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’ (2235). 

6.     Wife serving her husband 

You say “the men in our society forget that housework is the husband’s responsibility according to Islam, and he is free either to do it himself or bring servants; if his wife does it, it is a favour on her part.” 

Although this is the view of the majority, it is a weak view. A woman’s service in her home is not a favour on her part, rather it is undoubtedly her duty, but it is to be done according to her ability and strength. 

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 

She is obliged to serve her husband based on what a woman like her customarily does for a man like him, which may vary according to circumstances. What a Bedouin woman does is not like what a town-dwelling woman does, and what a strong woman does is not like what a weak woman does. 

Al-Fataawa al-Kubra (4/561). 

Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Jibreen (may Allaah preserve him) was asked: 

I read in one of the newspapers here a fatwa by one of the scholars which says that a wife’s serving her husband is not obligatory upon her, rather the marriage contract allows him to be intimate with her only. As for her serving him, that is part of kind treatment. He said that the husband has to bring servants for his wife if she does not serve him or serve herself for any reason. Is this correct? If it is not correct, then praise be to Allaah that this newspaper is not widely circulated, otherwise some husbands would become like bachelors when some of their wives read this fatwa. 

He replied: 

This fatwa is not correct and should not be followed. The women of the Sahaabah used to serve their husbands as Asma’ bint Abi Bakr narrated that she served (her husband) al-Zubayr ibn al-‘Awwaam, and Fatimah al-Zahra’ used to serve ‘Ali (may Allaah be pleased with them). It has remained the custom of the Muslims that the wife serves her husband, preparing food, washing clothes and dishes, and cleaning the house, as well as tending and milking livestock, working the fields and so on, each according to her abilities. This has been the custom from the time of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) until the present day, with no objections. But she should not be burdened with that which will cause hardship, rather it depends on her abilities and what is customary. And Allaah is the Source of strength. 

Fataawa al-Mar’ah al-Muslimah (2/662, 663). 

See also the answers to question no. 12539 and 10680. 

7.     Ruling on soap operas and watching movies 

You say “As for watching films and soap operas, I do not think it is haraam”. This is undoubtedly wrong. Films include many evils such as women going out unveiled, stories of haraam love, drinking alcohol, haraam relationships, promotion of crime and transgression against good morals. 

For more details please see the answer to questions no. 21227 and 13956. 

8.     You say “He wants me to stop listening to music and not watch movies and soap operas, and not to wear pants, and to wear the abayah that comes down from the head”. 

With regard to music and singing, please see the details of the ruling that they are haraam, in the answers to questions no. 43736, 5000 and 5011. 

See the answer to question no. 8555 for the ruling on women wearing the abayah that comes from the shoulders. 

With regard to movies and shows, we already mentioned the questions in which the ruling on that is discussed. 

Thirdly: 

To be fair, you mention something in your question that your fiancé dislikes but it is something that is permissible for you according to sharee’ah, which is your father’s stipulating that you should have a servant, as you say in your question: “He objected strongly to my father’s condition of providing a servant in the marriage contract”.  

But there are rulings which apply to having a servant in the house, and it may bring some negative consequences. Please see the answers to questions no. 22980 and 26231. 

Fourthly: 

There are some things which your fiancé is asking for that are valid, and you have no right to object to any of them. These include: 

1.

You say “He wants me to devote myself and my life fully to him and his children, and to stop working and forget myself completely and give up all my dreams of completing my studies, improving my work performance or doing any other activities, or even going to the health club”. 

For a woman to devote herself to her house, children and husband is one of the greatest deeds that a woman can do. It is a deed that cannot be surpassed in length of time and importance even by the material benefits gained by the husband’s work outside the home.  

There are many women’s voices in the west calling for women to go back to the work that she does well, which protects her character and honour, which is working in the home, for which there are not enough hours in the day and night, so how about if she is distracted by going out of the house all the time for work? 

2.

You say: “He wants me to stop listening to music and not watch movies and soap operas, and not to wear pants, and to wear the abayah that comes down from the head.” 

We have referred to these issues above. 

3. You say: “He thinks that all the places I go on trips to with my family (markets, trips to the seaside, leisure centres, even the corniche) are places of mixing and he cannot take me there”. 

He is correct in saying that these places are mixed, but it is possible to avoid mixed places in some of them, and to choose a suitable time and place for such trips. 

You should note that his motive in not taking you to these places is his protective jealousy towards you, which is something praiseworthy in a husband. It is not bad jealousy like that which is accompanied by doubt and suspicion, rather it is a praiseworthy kind of protective jealousy that you should encourage. You can be subtle in choosing suitable places and times for visiting those places or some of them. 

See the answer to question no. 8901, in which there is a fatwa from the scholars of the Standing Committee on the ruling on going to leisure venues in which there are a lot of evils. 

Finally: 

Married life is wonderful and is based on mutual understanding and harmony. Allaah has created therein love and compassion between the spouses so that it will continue and last. 

If the woman sees in herself or in the one who proposes to her that that there is no harmony or similarity in thinking, then it is better for her to taker her time and think long and hard before going ahead with the marriage, especially if there are differences of opinion before consummation of the marriage, or there are differences about matters in which it is hard for either party to accept the view of the other, or to understand his or her opinion or do without it in his or her life. In that case going ahead with the marriage is a risk, not something assured.  

What we advise you is to set yourself straight and give up the haraam deeds to which we have drawn your attention – and this has nothing to do with marriage, because they are haraam even if you do not get married. After that you can work out something with your fiancé based on what is permissible for you in sharee’ah. If he agrees to that and opens his mind to it, then perhaps going ahead with the marriage will be good for both parties, but if you continue doing the things that we have warned you about that are nor permissible in sharee’ah, then we do not advise him to marry you, and it is his right, indeed he is obliged, not to do that. 

You should note that happiness is found in obeying Allaah and He is the One Who guides people to His way. If Allaah helps His obedient slave to find a blessed marriage and a good family, then he will be in a kind of paradise before the Paradise of eternity, so strive hard to be obedient and look for a husband who respects the limits set by Allaah, for all good in this world will come to you by seeking the pleasure of Allaah. 

Please see also the answers to questions no. 33710 and 22397. 

And Allaah is the Source of strength.